An Idiot's Guide to Shadow Magic
by Serpent27
Summary: Fang, my yami, wants to show the idiots out there the basics of Shadow Magic! I only allowed him because he would force me to watch The Wiggles for a week if I didn't... (shudder) Please R&R! Extreme Pinkness! PG just in case.
1. Introduction

-Introduction-  
  
You stand in a dark room, covered in black... all black. There is a blue portal over there... a purple sack over there that's moving, nothing special. Suddenly a figure appears....  
  
"Hello," he says in a fake-polite voice. "My name is Fang, yami of Serpent over there."   
  
He points to the purple sack. A muffled angry voice is saying something from it. Fang seems satisfied.  
  
"Anyways," Fang continues. "You came to learn about Shadow Magic?" he gives you no time to say anything. "If so, good. If not, deal with it!"  
  
A head comes out of a small opening in the sack.  
  
"Don't listen to him!" Serpent yells, but Fang snaps his fingers and the purple sack gets put in a larger blue sack.   
  
"Where should I begin?" Fang says with a trace of sastisfaction in his voice. "How about... what is Shadow Magic?"  
  
------  
  
Fang: Short...  
  
Serpent: It's the INTRODUCTION! It is MEANT to be SHORT!  
  
Fang: Well you DON'T have to TALK like THAT!  
  
Serpent: ... Anyways, Rate and Review!  
  
Fang: Or I'll send you to the Shadow Realm! 


	2. What is Shadow Magic? Idiots

Serpent: Okay, lets talk before the story as well! ^______^  
  
Fang: T_T No! Just leave me alone in my soul room!  
  
Serpent: ^_______^  
  
Fang: We forgot this before...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except myself and my hikari, and I don't even own my hikari! He has a mind of his own I tell ya!  
  
-What-is-Shadow-Magic-  
  
"So you want to know what Shadow Magic is?" Fang says, again not allowing you to speak. "Too bad!"  
  
"It is hard to explain what Shadow Magic is... it's shadow... and it's magic... and.... Hey! Don't look at me this way! You try to explain what it is! Well, anyways. Shadow Magic is magic, but some of it has to do with the Shadow Realm.... Yes... the Shadow Realm."  
  
Once again, somehow Serpent struggled out of the second bag. "No!" he cries, "Don't listen! He'll corrupt your mind and make you a minion!"  
  
Fang turns around sharply. "I have no minions!" he says. Once again, Serpent is put into a bag, except this time it is pink. A loud cry comes from the pink bag. Fang quickly looks back at you.  
  
He talks as though nothing happened, "The Shadow Realm is an endless void of torture, pain, and udder voidness.... Yes... torture.... Do you know if voidness is a word because... (A/N: Get on with it Fang!) Aaaannnyyyywaaaaays... You do NOT want to be sent to the Shadow Realm, because few ever get out of it. I said FEW, not YOU! So don't get stuck in it unless you like torture and pain for the rest of enternity.  
  
"With Shadow Magic, you can do many things! Teleport... destroy people... send people to the Shadow Realm...." Fang says before, somehow once again, Serpent gets out of the bag.  
  
"You don't really need to tell them about Shadow Magic," the poor hikari said. "They should of watched Yugioh before anyways!"  
  
Fang looked confused. "Watched Yugioh? Huh?"  
  
"Nevermind," Serpent said. "You can leave now!" The hikari looks at you with those happy, sickingly innocent hikari eyes.  
  
"No they can't!" Fang said, and put Serpent in a cage. The yami looks at you with those evil, plotting yami eyes. "You don't know anything about Shadow Magic yet!"  
  
-----  
  
Serpent: Why did you put me in a PINK bag?  
  
Fang: ^_^ I knew it would torture you!  
  
Serpent: Grr...  
  
Fang: Rate and review!  
  
Serpent: Or I'll sick a Funny Bunny that Fang brought to life on you!  
  
Fang: I love Shadow Magic. ^_^ 


	3. Basic Spell and More Distractions

Serpent: ^____^ Good reviews! I'm happy!  
  
Fang: o.o Don't make him happy!  
  
Serpent: ^_____^ I do not own Yugioh. I only own me and Fang!  
  
-Basic-Spell-and-More-Distractions-  
  
"Well, I don't think my hikari will get out of that one," Fang says, clearly pleased with himself.  
  
Serpent bangs against the bars, but Fang tries not to ignore the noise created by his trapped hikari.  
  
"Well, my favorite thing to do with Shadow Magic is send people to the Shadow Realm...." Fang says, thinking as he talks.  
  
"No!" Serpent yells from his cage. "Don't! It's evil! Evil!"  
  
Fang snaps his fingers yet again and Serpent's cage floats up slightly and a sound-proof glass cube appears around it.  
  
"Sending people to the Shadow Realm is a little harder, so I'll start with creating objects from nothing," Fang says. "First picture the object clearly in your mind... CLEARLY! If you do not picture it clearly it might come out something different, and maybe that something different could be a monster!" The yami smiles evilly, clearly plotting something.   
  
"Well, then picture the object clearly... again, CLEARLY... where you want it to be," Fang says. "It may take a while for it to start, and never if you cannot harness the power of Shadow Magic! If you cannot... then you'd better off go away right now. No wait... don't go away......"  
  
"He's plotting something!!" Serpent yells, somehow making a break in the sound-proof cube.  
  
"How can you keep doing that?!?" Fang growls at his hikari.  
  
"You taught me some Shadow Magic, remember?" Serpent says, looking slightly pleased at the angry face on Fang.  
  
Fang grumbles. "Well, just stay quiet and I won't send you to the Shadow Realm," he says in a low, evil voice.  
  
"Well," Fang says, looking back at you. "Try to create a blue ball like this." He holds out his hand and a small blue ball appears in it. He puts it on the ground. "I'll go take care of my hikari..." he walks back to Serpent.  
  
-----  
  
Serpent: _ Don't hurt me!  
  
Fang: *smirk* As long as you stop creating distractions!  
  
Serpent: But I don't want another Shadow Magic-user roaming around!!  
  
Fang: C'mon, I bet a lot of people out there has yamis! They all need Shadow Magic to get around! SHADOW MAGIC!!  
  
Serpent: x.x;; Rate and Review...  
  
Fang: Or I won't teach you anymore!! 


	4. To the Hikaris

Fang: I'm glad there has been some hikari-bashing out there!  
  
Serpent: T_T Why do you yamis torment us hikaris?  
  
Fang: Because we feel like it!  
  
Serpent: This chapter I'm taking the star lead!  
  
Fang: No!  
  
Serpent: You can't stop me!  
  
Fang: *grumble* Anyways, Yugioh doesn't belong to me or my hikari. If you sue, I'll send you to the Shadow Realm AND not teach you any more Shadow Magic! Ha!  
  
-To-the-Hikaris-  
  
Suddenly the room turns blinding white and once it fades, Serpent appears out of the cage and Fang is floating slightly in a pink cage. Almost immediately, a pink bag appears around Fang. A scream is heard from the trapped yami, and a pink sound-proof plastic cube appears around the bag and /bonks/ onto the floor of the cage.  
  
"That should keep him," Serpent says while walking away from the pink bag, cube, and cage, which are being slammed around to no success for the yami.  
  
"For the hikaris watching, as long as Fang stays trapped, I shall teach you how to use Shadow Magic against your darker sides!" the hikari says with his cheerful hikari voice. "Your yamis are probably masters at Shadow Magic, and mine had taught me some so that was good. But us hikaris know many things about /modern/ items.... so....."   
  
There was a long pause of silence, in which the only sounds were the banging of Fang and muffled cries. He had managed to make a crack in the sound-proof cube.  
  
"So what? Get on with it!!" an impatient person from the audience yells.  
  
"I'm thinking here!" Serpent says while throwing the blue ball, the one that Fang created earlier, at that person. "Yamis aren't as stupid as they look, so you need a good plan to fight them!"  
  
"I heard that!" Fang says from his pink bag. One of the sides of the sound-proof cube had fallen off.  
  
"It really depends on the yami!" Serpent says, speaking faster now that Fang was almost free. "Like Fang hates pink... well so do I but he hates it also... anyways. Putting him in a pink room... or bag... or whatever.... Anyways, you know what I mean. Fang already taught you how to create items...."  
  
A large cracking noise could be heard as Fang finally broke through the bag and the cage. "Serpent!" the angry yami yelled. "You will pay for that!"  
  
"You could of broken out sooner," Serpent said, showing no sign of fright on his face.  
  
"What?" Fang said, loosing all the anger in his face.  
  
"You could of teleported out any time," Serpent said smiling.  
  
Fang stood there silent for a second before hitting his head. "That was stupid!" he yelled at himself. Serpent stood there smiling.  
  
-----  
  
Serpent: Stupid!  
  
Fang: T_T The pink was clouding my mind!  
  
Serpent: Oh well... *stares at you in a hypnotic way* You are getting sleepy... very sleepy.... Now press the purple button that says "Go" and Rate and Review.... Now! 


	5. Teleportation and Pink

Serpent: Yey! Jessica Messenger of the Devil reviewed! You're "Bakura's Book of Threats" inspired me to do this. ^_^  
  
Fang: And to airess.... okay... I will. ^_^ I will hurt Serpent more!  
  
Serpent: T_T  
  
Fang: Yugioh doesn't belong to us, so do not sue!  
  
Serpent: Or I'll put you in the pink objects of doom!  
  
Fang: _  
  
-Teleportation-and-Pink-  
  
Serpent nods and walks over to a black chair that was almost completely blended in to the wall. "Well, continue, oh great Yami Fang," the hikari says sarcasticaly.  
  
Fang grumbles and looks back at you. "My slave... I mean hikari," he says. Serpent gives him an angry look. "Well anyways," Fang says, not seeing Serpent, "my hikari reminded me about teleportation! It's a little harder, but it is needed!" He teleports behind you and then in front of you very quickly.  
  
"This is all about imagination, and power slightly. Just vision yourself where you want to be... again, CLEARLY! If you don't, you may send yourself to the Shadow Realm. And if that happens... well... there is one of two things you can do. One, nothing, and two, absolutely nothing!"  
  
"That's the same thing," Serpent mutters.  
  
"No, one is nothing, second is ABSOLUTELY nothing!" Fang says, but he doesn't look back at his hikari.  
  
"Still, it's nothing," Serpent says.  
  
"Stop distracting me!" Fang says, turning at his hikari.  
  
Serpent stays silent for a while. Almost suddenly the room becomes an eye-burning hot pink. Fang yells as though he was in pain, but Serpent was closing his eyes so he wasn't effected by the pinkified room. After a few seconds, the room turns back to its orginal black color, and Serpent looks smug.  
  
"Why did you do that?" Fang says in a low, hissy, angry, and overall evil voice.  
  
"Because I wanted to," Serpent says in his same hikari voice.   
  
The yami grumbles and rubs his eyes a few times before looking back at you. "Well, now that that is overwith, you can practice teleporting, just don't get youself sent to the Shadow Realm!" He turns around and walks to his light side, obviously for revenge.  
  
-----  
  
Serpent: =P You didn't even close your eyes!  
  
Fang: The pink... it burns... it is imprinted in my eyes.... They buuuuurn!  
  
Serpent: ^_^ Rate and Review, or I shall put you in a hot pink room of death!  
  
Fang: That was unlike you hikari.... 


	6. The Shadow Realm and Barbies

Serpent: I want to start this quick by saying I do not own Yugioh or Shadow Magic, or barbies or PS2...... I only own me and my millenium jewel and my yami and... *goes through list of everything in my house*  
  
Fang: o.o And, I am sorry for all the tortured yamis out there, you try to control your hikari! *grumble*  
  
-Shadow-Realm-and-Barbies-  
  
Fang walks back with a magical shield around him. On the shield it says "Anti-Pink Shield."   
  
"Okay then," the yami of the millenium jewel says. "Now my favorite part of Shadow Magic. Sending objects... or people... to the Shadow Realm. I'll show you what the Shadow Realm looks like..." he holds up his hand to your face.  
  
"Noooo!"  
  
Serpent was in a corner with a weight tied to his legs, but the hikari sent the weight to the Shadow Realm and charged Fang. The yami accedentally sent a TV, PS2, and many games to the Shadow Realm.  
  
"No..." Serpent said, running over to where the objects were. "HOW COULD YOU, FANG? I'LL THROW THE MILLENIUM JEWEL INTO THE OCEAN FOR THAT!"  
  
Fang looked scared, even more scared than when the room was pink. Suddenly a TV, PS2, and many games appear on the other side of the room. Serpent yelps with happiness and runs over to play the games.  
  
"Well, Serpent won't let me send you to the Shadow Realm," Fang says. "So, I'll just teach you how to. First you must fill yourself with evil," he smirks and chuckles... evilly. "Evil, darkness... as much as you can. Serpent is strangely good at that, but other hikaris may not be as skilled at that. Then hold your hand out and, if it helps, say something like 'I shall send you to the Shadow Realm!' or something. Just channel the darkness and evilness and whatever to the object or person."  
  
Serpent had his face against the TV, obviously interested in the game he was playing.  
  
"And... since Serpent is playing his game... I can send you to the Shadow Realm!" Fang puts his hand up to your face again.  
  
"Noooo!"  
  
Serpent runs from his game and suddenly the whole room becomes pink.  
  
"I have my anti-pink shield on!" Fang says, poinging to the sign on the energy field.  
  
A silence was swept over the room. Fang put down his head and the yami and his hikari were locked in a staring contest.  
  
"Barbies!" Serpent yells. Fang is caught off guard.  
  
The room suddenly is filled with barbie objects. Barbie posters... beds... baloons... rugs... etc. It seems like a little girl's room. Serpent had his eyes closed while Fang is yelling like he is being tortured.  
  
The room turns back to it's normal state in a matter of seconds.  
  
"You could of just closed your eyes as well," Serpent says, opening his eyes slowly.  
  
"You think you're so smart," Fang says angrilly.  
  
"Yes," the hikari says. "I am."  
  
Fang growls.  
  
------  
  
Fang: Grr... the barbies... I need an anti-barbie shield.  
  
Serpent: There are more things I can attack you with!  
  
Fang: Well... R&R...  
  
Serpent: *whispers to the hikaris reading* Or you hikaris won't learn more ways to torture your yamis! 


	7. Back to SHADOW MAGIC

Serpent: All the ideas for yami-torturing! Yey! I'm going to make a guide on this like Fang...  
  
Fang: T_T No... please no...  
  
Serpent: I do not own Yu-gi-oh, Barbies, Spongebob Squarepants, or any baby shows in this fan-fic! ^_^  
  
-Back-to-SHADOW-MAGIC-  
  
"You know, this is turning out more for Yami-Torture than Shadow Magic," Serpent says with a wide grin on his face.  
  
"Well shut up and we can get back to Shadow Magic," Fang grumbles, rubbing his eyes. The barbies seems to be burned into the back of his eyes now.  
  
"This is fun!" Serpent looks very innocent and happy, but to any Yami the hikari looks more evil than Malik when he is plotting.  
  
Fang grumbles and suddenly Serpent and his black chair are put in an energy cage. Serpent shrugs and lays back in his chair. He could just teleport out anytime if he want to any ways.  
  
"Well back to Shadow Magic," Fang says, looking back at you. "How about... Shadow Games." He grins evilly. In the background, Serpent shrugs.  
  
"Shadow Games are fun! You can use Yami Bakura's example and play Duel Monsters in the Shadow Realm where you are your favorite card," the yami looks as though he just got an Egyptian God Card for his birthday, but he quickly tries to look as emotionless again. "This takes a lot of power, and a chant." He nods with his eyes closed, obviously thinking.  
  
"Well... I'm not the kind of person to create chants. Just say something that says something about dueling and being in your favorite card. You can make it so that only the enemy is effected by this. Just make it up yourself, you have an imagination, right?"  
  
"Of course they do," Serpent says after teleporting out of the energy cage and next to his Yami. "Everyone has IMAGINATION." As he said the last word, he held his hands together and moved them away from each other in an arch. A glittering rainbow appeared between his hands and flickered away like in Sponge-bob Square-pants.  
  
Fang grumbles, obviously not enjoying the little show.  
  
"There are also other Shadow Games," Fang says. As he speaks he trips Serpent and the hikari falls to the ground. "And you can use your "IMAGINATION" to make some or find some."  
  
-----  
  
Serpent: Soon I shall make "Serpent's Guide to Torturing Yamis." Not today... but soon. ^_^  
  
Fang: Nooo! T_T  
  
Serpent: R&R or I will not make my guide!  
  
Fang: Don't R&R!  
  
Serpent: YES! *looks very evil* R&R OR I SHALL STEAL ALL YOUR MILLENIUM ITEMS AND RULE THE WORLD!  
  
Fang: ... My hikari is evil as well. Creepy, but true.  
  
Serpent: *looks all innocent again* 


	8. Boredom and Monsters

Serpent: Sorry I haven't been updating for about a... ... how long?  
  
Fang: A long time.  
  
Serpent: Ah well. Please don't kill me for taking to long. TT  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING! ... Except the Millenium Jewel and my yami. hug  
  
Fang: OO  
  
-Boredom-and-Monsters-  
  
Serpent had once again went back to playing his video games, while Fang bangs his head against the wall, searching for more ideas.  
  
Serpent finally decides to help. "Brain-dead, yami?" he asks.  
  
Fang shakes his head madly. "No way!" he lies. "I got lots of ideas! Plus, I'd never take advice from you, hikari!"  
  
Serpent stands up from his games. "You know, you didn't even talk about summoning monsters."  
  
"Duel Monsters!" Fang exclaimes, giving himself a well-deserved hit on the head.  
  
To the happiness to the more impatient of the audience, Fang once again takes center stage while lights shine on him and the music begins to start up so that...  
  
"What?" Fang questions. "I'm not in a play!"  
  
Sorry... Fang simply stands in front to explain about summoning while Serpent looks entertained in the background.  
  
"Summoning Duel Monsters is different from creating stuff out of mid-air. The cards actually have spirits, you just have to call them out. Now, I'll just get my deck from my pocket," Fang explains, putting his hand in his pocket. "Eh... what the?"  
  
Serpent grins behind him, holding a deck of cards that obviously belonged to Fang.  
  
"Hikari!" Fang grumbles. "Gimme my deck, NOW!"  
  
Fang's hikari, with an un-hikari-like-grin-but-it's-more-like-yami-ish-grin on his face, whispers somethng in his yami's ear.  
  
"NO! I WOULDN'T!!!" Fang yells, grabbing for the deck, but Serpent pulls it away.  
  
Serpent and Fang watch as a few audience members leave to find something that can teach them about Shadow Magic.  
  
"Okay... just for TWO CHAPTERS!" Fang agrees.  
  
Confused, the audience members return to their seats and watch. The lights fade, and when they fade back in, Fang's hair is a burning hot pink.  
  
"Two chapters," Fang murmurs with his deck back within his grasp. "Okay," he speaks up again, ignoring the pinkness. "To summon a monster, you need to evilly connect with the evil monster and tell it evilly to evilly summon it's evil self into the evil world... evilly."  
  
Serpent and several other audience members appear confused. Fang explains.  
  
"Just talk to the monster and tell it to wake up and come out, got it!?!"  
  
His hikari and the audience members nod in understanding.  
  
"Good," he says, putting a Man-Eater Bug on the ground. He summons it, it clacks its jaws and eats a random member of the audience. Fang merely smiles. "It also helps if you have a Millenium Item made especially to give the cards life."  
  
Fang: Pink hair... evil.  
  
Serpent: For two more chapters. =P  
  
Fang: TT  
  
Serpent: R&R, or else I'll both have Fang's Man-Eater Bug eat you AND dye your hair pink. Beat that!  
  
Man-Eater Bug: Ph3ar m3!!!!!!11111oneoneoneoneone!  
  
Fang: OO 


End file.
